


The Draw (Pulling Me Back)

by Leviarty



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, canon typical whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-31
Updated: 2015-10-31
Packaged: 2018-04-29 06:34:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5118734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leviarty/pseuds/Leviarty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was three days, three agonizing days, before the doctors allowed Steve to be released.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Draw (Pulling Me Back)

**Author's Note:**

> aka The angsty alternate ending to [Laid Out (One By One)](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5093084), but can be read as standalone.

They’d been having sex – really, _really_ great sex - for months. But it was just sex. Sure, it was at least a few nights a week, after a long day or a rough case, and sometimes they went out for beer or dinner (Danny always paid, because Steve was an asshole), and okay, they did a lot of domestic shit together too. Like taking Grace to the best beaches, or going to Aquarium with Grace, or surfing (Steve surfed, Danny ranted about the horrors of the ocean from the safety of the shore), or pretty much everything else that friends did together. They were friends, who sometimes (okay, _often_ ) had sex. No big deal.

Of course Danny had to go and do a stupid thing that would, inevitably, fuck it all up.

And it was so fucking stupid. It wasn’t in a firefight or a car chase or during sex or any other place where adrenaline and emotions were flying high.

No, it was in the car, on the way to talk to a witness, and Steve was drive only slightly over the limit. They were arguing over nothing, and Steve turned the radio on to shut him up (which it did, because Danny had nothing invested in the argument and he kind of liked that song anyway). And he looked over at Steve and all he could think about was how damned much he loved him.

And then it hit him like a punch to the gut.

He was so fucked.

 

 

Really, it shouldn’t have been a big deal. He could keep it to himself, could squash it down and carry on like normal.

Except, once he was aware, it was always _there_ , gnawing at him. During sex, during care chases, sitting in the office, grabbing a beer, hanging out at the beach.

And _fuck_ , every part of his life that wasn’t Grace is filled with Steve; he spent damn near every hour of every day with him. It wasn’t healthy. It was a disaster.

And the only solution was to start cutting those hours out, one by one.

 

 

He fucking hated it.

“We missed you last night,” Kono said. They’d all gone out for drinks the night before, but Danny had feigned some lame excuse. He felt pretty shitty, lying to the team.

And the sex was suffering, too, and of course Steve could tell.

“What’s the matter, babe?” he’d ask, and Danny brushed it off like it was nothing. But of course it wasn’t nothing, because, god, this had to stop. He had to end this, _now_.

Except he couldn’t, didn’t know how. He was addicted to Steve, didn’t know to quit (nor did he want to).

But weaning him away hour by hour was making him miserable, he couldn’t stand it, and it wasn’t working. Cold turkey. He’d have to give it all up, all at once.

Tomorrow. Or maybe the day after.

He loved Steve so fucking much, it ached.

 

 

He typed out the message a dozen times, a dozen different ways, before finally he hit send.

 

 

And then Steve drove a car over a fucking cliff.

It was a little cliff, and Steve survived (the squad car did not) and was rushed to the ER, who called Danny the moment he was admitted (the question of when did Steve name him next of kin almost crossed his mind, but he was too panicked for it to register).

He’d broken his arm, clavicle, and six ribs. At least two of his organs had been punctured. Frankly, it was a miracle that was all.

Danny didn’t know how long he paced the hospital corridors, waiting for him to come out of surgery.

He decided then and there. He was going to end it. He was going to tell Steve how he felt, and he was going to leave. It would ruin everything, probably, but he couldn’t keep this up, couldn’t keep pretending he didn’t love him, that this wasn’t killing him.

“He’s a little delirious from the sedatives and painkillers, but you can see him now,” the nurse informed him when he was finally stable and out of surgery.

“Who authorized that?” Danny asked. He hated any drugs that made him feel like he wasn’t in control, and surely wouldn’t have agreed to them. But Danny didn’t wait for the nurse to answer, he was already rushing into Steve’s room.

Danny was a wreck, still overwhelmed by the terror he felt when he first got the call, and annoyed by Steve’s reckless driving, and so fucking in love with him it hurt, and how and when and where he was going to finally end it.

And Steve was a fucking disaster. Black and blue and purple and covered in bandages.

And Danny felt like drowning, could feel his lungs filling up with water and blood and all the things he felt for Steve.

 “Hey,” Steve said, half smiling in his general direction – he wasn’t looking right at Danny, couldn’t seem to focus his eyes.

“Hi,” Danny said, sitting down next to him and carefully took hold of his miraculously uninjured hand. “How you feeling?”

“Sleepy,” Steve said.

“Get some rest,” Danny told him.

“You’ll be here?” Steve asked, trying, unsuccessfully, to raise a brow.

“Yeah, I’ll be here when you wake up,” he promised.

Steve hummed a little and closed his eyes. “Love you, Danno,” he said, his head lulling a little to the side. “Been trying to figure how to tell you, but you’re gonna leave me anyway, so…”

He was asleep before he could finish the thought.

 

 

It was three days, three agonizing days, before the doctors allowed Steve to be released, though Danny was certain they weren’t happy about it.

Danny helped him into his street clothes and wheeled him out to the car. The drive home was silent, just as painfully quiet as the last few days had been. Ever since Steve had told the doctors to switch him over to a weaker painkiller he’d been quiet and broody, and Danny was too lost to know how to get him talking again.

Everything felt so wrong.

Steve limped up to his front door, swatting away Danny’s attempts to assist.

“Need help getting upstairs?” Danny asked, despite the fact that Steve had been an absolute ass every time he offered help.

“God damnit, Danny,” Steve said, voice dripping with ill-disguised rage. “Would you just get it over with? Say it and leave.”

Danny stared at the back of him for a long, confused moment. “What?”

“We both know what you’re going to say, so just fucking say it, and get out.”

“You have no idea what I’m going to say.”

“’We need to talk’?” He quoted. Danny was certain that wasn’t the text he’d sent. The message was the same though. “I think it’s pretty damn obvious what you have to say, especially with how you’ve been acting the past few weeks.”

Steve’s whole body was shaking, and Danny didn’t know… didn’t know if it was pain or anger or something else. He reached out to touch his back. It was supposed to soothe, or something, but Steve flinched, shrugged him off.

“ _Don’t_. Just. Don’t.”

“I love you,” Danny said, and it felt so simple now. Weeks he been terrified of those words, or all the things attached, and now it was so easy.

Steve rounded on him, and angry look in his eyes. “Bullshit. You’re _miserable_ with me.”

Danny shook his head. “You’re right, I was going to leave you, but not-”

“Not with me like this? Does it feel insensitive to leave a guy right after an accident? Cut the crap,” he said, angrily.

“It’s not what you think.” He was trying so hard to stay calm, to not get Steve any more worked up than he already was, but he wasn’t making it easy. “I am so fucking in love you with, and I’m terrified.”

He thought Steve might interrupt again, but they’ve had enough arguments that they both knew it was best to just let him get it out.

“I don’t have a lot here, and you’re my best friend and it was so fucking stupid of me, but I didn’t realize until it was too late. And yes, I know I’ve been a jerk lately, but not because I’m unhappy with you. Just the opposite. Because I’ve been trying to figure out how to end this, how to get out before it was too late, before Catherine decided she’s ready to settle down, or you realized you were done with me.”

Steve let out a long breath, blowing out the anger he was holding onto.

“Danny, we do _everything_ together. Did it ever occur to you that it isn’t just… that I’m serious about you?”

“Obviously it did not,” he said. And, okay, maybe this whole thing could’ve been prevented if he’d just been upfront about it when he realized. Hindsight being twenty-twenty and all.

“So you were going to leave, without even giving me a say in the matter?”

Danny shrugged. “You might have noticed I’m not very good at this.” Relationships, break ups, love, all of that.

“You’re pretty terrible, actually.”

“I know. Can we just…” He didn’t know what he needed to say to make everything okay. “I love you. Can we just forget all the rest?”

Steve studied him for a moment, then nodded. “Yeah. Help me upstairs.”


End file.
